Sunday, October 23, 2011

Episode 5: Revealation

....I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her how I felt. Those were words haunting my mind during that time...

January 2005,

And so I made up my mind. I told myself I am going to tell her how I feel. I was contemplating how should I do this. I prepared lots of scripts and drafts to be said to her. Those conversational drafts were really multitudinous, coming in all forms and shapes. All these, however, were pretty futile as those things were not really handy by the time when I met her and wanted to speak to her. So it happened...

It was a moonlit night, it was still dark around and dawn had yet to break. I inched my way into the school, went upstairs into the classroom and then came down to the lower corridors after settling my paraphernalia down in the classroom. I virtually had gone to the school way earlier than I used to be, on that day, as I did not want her to come any earlier than I did. I was by the corridor which led up into our classroom, waiting for her to come. I really could not say I had got the patience of a Saint but I usually could wait for someone for a very long time. This time, however, time seemed to pass to slow, every minute and second ticked by seemed like forever. I had lots of butterflies in my stomach during that time, not just one or two, but abundant. My heartbeat grew so swift that I would be deemed a serious case if hospitalized. I waited and waited, and after some time...

One familiar-looking girl walked the way towards me, with a red bag carried on her back. It was her. She finally had come. She came, thankfully. I stood there like a frozen statue, looking at her as she paced her way towards me. Some of my acquaintance passed by, staring at me like an alien, not knowing what was I doing standing there. Nevertheless, they never did ask anything, how peculiar. She came near to me, and was about to make her turn towards the corridor. I stopped her, calling her name, for the very first time.

"Anonymous, can you please come down for a while after putting your things up there?" I asked.

She nodded her head, saying nothing more. Nothing less as expected from her I guess, she was that silent type after all. That personality of her was what attracted me to her so much, as I had always been interested in silent lasses.

It was such a cold night, zephyrs flowed by piercing into my bones, aggravating my nerves. It took her so long to just put her bag and came down. It took her more than 10 minutes. I was wondering if she would actually come down whilst I waited for her. I was worried if she was just entertaining me with a nod. I waited and waited again, and 10 minutes passed like 10 years, then she finally walked down the corridor.

I saw her coming and my apprehension just got from bad to worse, exacerbating. I was so ever ready to just say those memorized scripts and dialogues that I had prepared...

Episode 4: Expect the Unexpected

... What happened after that, where had that necklace gone, I had no idea back then, the truth was revealed only a few years later...

January 2005,

One year had passed since the incident of my love gotten rejected. By 2005, I was assigned to be in 5Sc1, which was, also, the best class in Form V. I was lucky to be able to be in there. This year would be one of the most surprising years I had ever had in my entire life. Lots of surprises and excitements.

It was during the first day of school in 2005 that, I found something like a bombshell, really put me into an euphoric state. I inched my way into the class during this special first day, and all those faces were so familiar, many of which were my friends and classmates for so many years. A few minutes after I was set sitting on the place I chose, someone came into the class. She shone so bright that I could barely see who she was and how she looked like. She was, yet another familiar face. Taking a close look, I whispered in my heart,

"Oh my God! Isn't that HER!!", in all my awe and wonder.

She actually made it. She was in the first class. She used to be in the second and lower classes before this, and yet she made it! That practically signified that she earned some reputations, well, at least from me, in both appearances and her intelligence. I was so freaking happy to have seen her there in the class, and the year of 2005 would be so colorful like the year in Form II, I soliloquized.

She just grew more attractive, and I was really mesmerized.

"This time I would make sure I talk to her", I whispered to myself.

I had the whole year of time to do this. I just had got so many chances. I was not alone liking her, of course. In fact, she had gotten herself so many fans around. Some even openly expressed their fondness towards her. She knew I liked her too, that time, I bet. Then it happened that, one of my friends who was her fan also, messaged me something about how that girl had got some positive feelings towards me. I was exhilarated to hear that, with some speculations still left in heart. I was still not sure if what he said was real or simply apocryphal. Then what I do, was that I asked some of her close friends on how she thinks about me. They all unanimously said that she had got something with me. And man, I was so heavenly happy to have heard that. All these evidences had given me the courage and gallantry to express my feelings towards her, or at least, to talk to her.

I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her how I felt. Those were words haunting my mind during that time...

Episode 3: My First Expression of Love


... Time passed and the year in Form II had finally ended. Being an coward little nerd, I did not speak a single word with her, as I really rarely spoke to even any girls...

November 2003,

I was in Form III that year. I had somehow managed to get back to 3 Yakin with all the efforts that I had put during the previous year. Nonetheless, I was not as happy as I was supposed to be. Getting back to 3 Yakin, I should be more than satisfied, but, my heart was hung amidst. My soul was still there at 2 Tabah. My soul was still with her, my love-at-first-sight.

Time really passed idly, days by days, without seeing her for some time. The year was about to end, it was a November, and the session was, too, about to come to an end. I did something really extraordinary this year. I bought her a silver necklace, though not a pure silver, at the jewelry outlet. I packed the necklace nicely inside a box, which was usually used. I paced my way to her classroom, 3 Tabah. She was not there. In fact, the whole class had gone out for an exercise session. So then, recognizing where she sat in the class, I put the necklace inside her drawer.

My friends, they all knew I was doing this, and they were all waiting to see what was going to happen. Soon after that, the students of 3 Tabah came back. They were all back to their seats. I was in my class that time, as I had to attend the lectures also. But I could tell they were all coming back as they passed through my class.

Then, my class ended. Two of my friends, whom I had forgotten which two, went to her class to observe what was going to happen. As expected, she had discovered that there was a small little present inside her drawer. I was sitting in my class by that time, too nervous to do anything. There would also be another teacher coming in so I would not want to leave the class. Then, the two brave friends of mine came back.

"She rejects your gift, dude", said one of them.

I was really perplexed to have known that my gift would be rejected. I could only strangle in intransigence,

"Just throw that necklace away if she does not accept it", I said.

What happened after that, where had that necklace gone, I had no idea back then, the truth was revealed only a few years later...

Episode 2: My Love, at the First Sight


... I was sitting alone in the new class, staring at nothingness. My mind just flew off to some other places. And then...

January 2002,

I was looking around the classroom, at the unfamiliar faces, sinking in sadness. My mind was pretty blank then. However, something just brightened me up. I saw a girl, a very cute girl. She has got big eyes, very fair skin, astoundingly nice hair, just everything you can expect from a cutey. She was really fascinating and glamorous. I could not believe my eyes to have seen someone like her here in 2 Tabah. She was... my love, at the first sight. I could never forget the moment when I first saw her, truly memorable. The images still flow in my mind, they always have been.

I was no longer discouraged to go to the school back then. I could, at the very least, looked at her, quietly. She really had motivated me to go to school and to study harder, just to show her how good I could be. That year, I underwent an abrupt, positive change. I could never stop asking questions on things I did not know or comprehend to my teachers. I never really did anything like that before. I would not even be courageous enough to even ask for going to the toilet, really. She changed me, to the way I had never used to be.

I looked at her all the time, I really did. I might have imagining things but... I thought she was looking at me as well. We were just a meter away in the class. I was so happy back then. I assumed her to have some good feelings towards me. But, being a brat I was, I never had had the gallantry to show her how much I like her. Instead, I put up some pranks on my friend, saying that the other friend of mine, liked her. (Oh well, that is how an immature little kid expresses his love). I practically just looked at her the whole year, and never did I speak to her.

Time passed and the year in Form II had finally ended. Being an coward little nerd, I did not speak a single word with her, as I really rarely spoke to even any girls...

Episode 1: How it all Begins


January 2002,

It was the beginning of a new session of studies, a new year when I was in Form II, when I was still 14 years old back then. I was told that I would be in the first class from the form that was shown to me a year before that. My name was listed in the '2 Yakin' students list of 2002. I was then, pretty confident that I would be going to 2 Yakin that year. I was there at the school, happily walked into 2 Yakin, the first day in Form II.

That, was when, my friend, Lee Boon Hong, walked into the classroom. He told me,

"Hm, you are not supposed to be in here, you know."

Inquisitively, I could not help but asked him in both doubts and trepidations,

"Huh, why is that so, my name was in the list."

"Look at the students list stamped on the door of the classroom, then", he said.

So I actually just did what he asked me to do. Of all the things I could just guess, something really grave stunned me in paralysis. My name was not in the list!

"My name was also in the list to be admitted into 2 Yakin the previous year, you know, but then the name just got excluded", he said.

I was speechless, not knowing what to do then. Thinking about how these all could happen, I could only remember that both I and Boon Hong might have gotten the very last two ranking in 1 Yakin back then. And then, two new students, from other school, with better results were sent into the class, resulting in me and him excluded from the list. This, could not be faulted.

As like a soulless zombie, or a ghoul, I could only keep all the things that I had settled down in the class, and then, in all humiliation and confusion, walked out of the classroom. I then walked to the second best class, 2 Tabah, where I was actually sent to.

It was a nightmare. It was some sort of feelings that I could never forget.

"What is happening here? Me, I got sent to the second class?" I soliloquized.

I had always been in the first class ever since the class division system was implemented. My results were not too good, but only sufficient to keep me in the first class. I finally fell into the second class. Serves me right for all the slacking I did before. I was really sad and was in desperation and dismal. I, really did not know what should I do, and how should I tell my mom about this.

I was sitting alone in the new class, staring at nothingness. My mind just flew off to some other places. And then...